May 16, 2018
Me: Hello people. Tonight we are going to have an exciting interview with Mr. Self. Be sure to stick with us as the questions get hotter and more personal. So I’m gonna start with our top-shelf question. Mr. Self, Why do you live?
Self: Well, first let me tell you something. When you said top-shelf, I was thinking of magazine stores kind of top-shelf. But seemingly I was wrong. The reason why I live is simple. To avoid death. I mean, obviously, if I stop living I will die, although this idea has never appealed to me.
Me: So you are saying that you ride by the tide?
Self: Mostly yeah; but it’s not like I can do something about it. Some may want to believe that they own their lives but it’s not like that. It’s the other way around. Life owns them. Life owns everyone. How can I own something when I have no role in getting it? Or losing it? One day life will come to you and that’s exactly the day that you start losing it little by little. We are born losers.
Me: Touched a nerve there I suppose. That really was one our top-shelves. Ready for the next blow?
Self: Do I have a choice? You’re me.
Me: Do you think you are a good person?
Self: well I’m always trying to reach self-satisfaction. Sometimes it’s hard to be both approved by others and oneself. And I think those who mostly sacrifice self-satisfaction for the sake of others, are considered good persons. I’m often known as a bad person, and that’s good because in modern societies good is food. I have a rule of thumb as my way of living. I try to be as much bad as I’m not good anymore. You see I’m not obsessed with being bad, I just use it as a mean to avoid being good.
Me: You seem to be frank. Do you have secrets?
Self: Yes, of course. But I’m not gonna share them since they won’t be secrets anymore.
Me: Fair enough. What was the most stupid thing that you’ve done so far?
Self: Since I have quite a few of those, it’s really hard for me to rank them. Ok, let me see…the top twelve are in secret area so I won’t share them but the first unclassified stupid thing in my ranking would be one of my robberies. My most stupid rubbery. I stole someone’s phone because my own stupid phone was not working properly that stupid night and I wanted to chat with a stupid girl in a stupid game. I was almost getting my ass arrested but I got away with it because the guy, I stole from, was a good person if you know what I mean. And that was only my thirteenth most stupid thing.
Me: To stupidity and beyond, huh? Ok, enough morality. Let’s talk business. Do you have enough money?
Self: Who does? First of all, let me clarify something. I don’t have money. I am 23 and I still get pocket money. I don’t blame myself though. It’s the way it is in our society. But let me imagine myself in 5 years. Will I get a job? Yes. Will it be satisfactory? Probably not. Will I have enough money? Hell no. I’m sure even Bill Gates would give the same answer to my last question.
Me: Greedy, bad and stupid. You are really a magnet. Last question, do you regret anything?
Self: Regrets, I’ve had a few. But then again too few to mention. “My way” song by “Sinatra” truly reads my mind. It’s pointless to regret the things that you have already done. It’s like not having self-respect. When you don’t respect the decisions that you have made one day, you’ll regret them. You know what’s better than regretting? Learning. Yes, you should learn from your mistakes. I should add, as someone who knows a thing or two about linguistics, a language can’t be learned unless by making countless mistakes and you don’t regret them. You’ll use them in order to improve your skills. Mistakes happen because we are living an impromptu life.
Me: Thank you, Mr. Self, for your time. We are going to have another interview tonight with Mr. Conscious so stay tuned folks.